FOUTRE & CON En Francais!

MERDE!  I lost my entire post on French Slang words for FUCK and CUNT because I didn't save my work.  Isn't that always the way?
This entry is about slang words and expressions for naughty stuff, like sex and genitalia, sometimes referred to as 'swearing' in English.  Actually, it wasn't even my idea!  I was innocently researching the Italian word LAZZI

http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/Lazzi  >It., noun, improvised comic dialogue or action in the commedia dell'arte. The word may have derived from lacci (Italian: "connecting link"), comic interludes performed by the character Arlecchino (Harlequin) between scenes, but is more likely a derivation of le azioni("actions"). Lazzi were one of the prime resources of the commedia actors, consisting of verbal asides on current political and literary topics, manifestations of terror, pratfalls and other acrobatics, and similar actions.

when I read about a LAZZI Shakespeare incorporated in one of his plays

http://sites.google.com/site/italiancommedia/lazzi (the part about Shakespeare is under the third subheading "Language Lazzo")

during which the character of a French princess becomes offended when being taught English because the English words she is taught are foot and con which sound a lot like the French words foutre and con.  But what on earth do foutre and con mean anyway?
Well, before I go any further I should definitely reference this helpful article

http://en.wikibooks.org/wiki/French/Appendices/Slang

from Wikibooks, essentially a guide to using slang as a French foreign language speaker.  Not only does it have helpful tips, such as not to swear at The Foreigners in their own language, but it also includes completely fucking wrong translations of The Foreigners words!  Not only is it condescending, it is condescending while being incorrect, a transparent attempt to remove the naughty slang from what will obviously be a brutal American assault on the French Language.  American's couldn't...the definitely wouldn't...use The Internets to look up the definitions of individual words!  That would mean possibly using higher reasoning skills! Quelle Fucking Horreur!
O.K., enough.  I'm sure the authors of the article had the best intentions in mind while trying to inform and infantilize French language learners.  On to the naughty words!

FOUTRE

http://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/foutre

Fr., v. to fuck, to put, to place, to do; int., bollocks! fuck!; n., semen, spunk  see entry for usage

http://en.bab.la/dictionary/french-english/foutre - great usage link

http://mymemory.translated.net/t/French/English/va%20te%20faire%20foutre - another great usage link, tips from native speakers

http://french.about.com/od/verb_conjugations/a/foutre.htm - excellent conjugation link

CON
Fr. n., cunt, asshole, prick

UGH!  I'm exhausted...I found CON on google.translate.com, look there and perform a google search if you need the definition/usage tips in the meantime. I'll finish entire entry later, maintenant j'ai fatigue et sang est vien a mon con!  Since I don't have any accents to work with what I was trying to say was blood is coming out of my CON.  So I'm tired and wrapping this up now!  Bon Soir!